well well well....

so here i am again, with a feeling like i've got something to say.

i was just re-reading some of my past entries, the very last one in particular, where i was motivated to do something different. i still feel like there's something i should be doing, but still, i've yet to know what that something is. i don't necessarily need drastic change, but do feel like i'm wasting away without doing anything particularly meaningful.

i was thinkng last night that maybe i'd take some photographs i've done and try to paint them bigger.

i was also thinking last night about practicing my cello. i didn't though. i was feeling a little down, and decided to go to sleep to stop thinking so much.

most of my thoughts were pleasant, actually they all were, but remembering such wonderful memories and then knowing it will be so long for more of them to be made, was pretty upsetting. so i bowed out gracefully, and went to sleep.

someone special to me is now very far away. i have no doubt that everything will be fine, i'm just having some weird emotions trying to figure out how to live my life like "normal" when it's not normal.

it only takes one line of a song to remind me of the heaviness.