so... i haven't been working out! : O !!!! i know. it's awful. i still feel muscle-y and my super skinny clothes are fitting me better than ever. i'm eating mostly healthy (aside from the birthday cake), but i haven't been going to the gym. i feel guilty and lazy, and i have this underlying fear that i'm going to get fat again. : (
this is partly an excuse, but it is partly legitimate as a real defense, and that is that my back has been hurting super duper bad. i started going to the chiropractor's office about a month ago. i am starting to feel better- i noticed that when i was shaving in the shower the other day, that my back hurt only a little bit, but it didn't feel like it was breaking in half... so that's progress. i didn't WANT to stop going to the gym when i started going to the chiropractor, but aside from the pain that definitely was limiting me, my schedule has been turned upside down. having a "strict" schedule for going to the gym, which turned into a routine, was a big part of my success in going. so now that just about all the nights i had planned for the gym are taken up by chiro appointments, i have to change something... and soon!!!!
i wanted to mention a good thing, which is going to be my motivation to get my shrunken ass back in there, and that is that i am OFFICIALLY wearing a size 10 pant and really starting to need medium shirts. that really is amazing. to put it in perspective- when i was in high school, i weighed about 155-160 and wore 9/10 pants and small/medium shirts. since high school, pretty quickly after- since i got a desk job and an office ass, i've worn, pretty solidly, a 14 pant and large shirts. ... this has been the last 10 years.... all of my adult life. after i gave birth to gwendolyn i was wearing a 16 pant, not for too long, but 14's weren't cutting it, and i even bought a couple of XL shirts. wow. ... so after training for the half marathon i got back into 14's and even bought some 12's, woo hoo! THAT was exciting. So for the past couple years, i've been a steady 12-14. anyhow... boring!!!! but this is leading up to the good thing, that is not only am i solidly in a ten, for reals, not tight at all. even the green pants that kate (with the hot ass) gave me, fit perfectly! woo effing hoo! my new jeans... size 8. the dress for gabrielle's wedding and also the christmas party- 8. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT????? i hardly can for some reason. and the medium shirts, even though it doesn't seem like a big deal, i TRULY have worn large forever... foreeeeeeever, and i'm not just barely squeezing into mediums, it's that my larges are TOO big, i HAVE to buy mediums. okay, so i know it looks like i'm bragging, but what i'm really doing is providing PROOF that living like this works... (except for the chocolate cake... well, chocolate cake sometimes is okay.)
eating veggies, not being a lazy ass, who would have thought? not just a little bit of weight, 30 pounds.... 3 sizes down.... THIS is going to have to be my motivation for going back.
i never wanted to "just" loose weight. i wanted to loose weight, but also look tone and athletic. not just skinny with flab, but toned- muscles, clothes fitting nicely, less belly fat to shift around when i sit down. all that. AND to feel good. to have energy, to not feel ill because all i ate for the day was sugar. i've been doing it. the truth is, i can do it more. i can do it better. i don't want to give up- this IS how i want to live my life. getting off track makes it hard as hell to get back on.
here's what i'm going to do. i'm making it public so i can't change my mind.
1. go back to the gym- mondays, wednesdays, and thursdays are OUT, so i now have to go tuesday with leia, friday after work, saturday morning with leia, and sunday if i can muster it.... or maybe just a fun outdoor activity, like a walk to the park. i can handle that. it's not any more or less than i was already doing, i just have to have a plan! otherwise saturday morning comes around and all i want to do is laze around and drink coffee.... i'll plan that for sunday- can't cut out lazing around drinking coffee!!!! this has to be a plan i can live with!
2. get another water bottle (universe- you can help with this). my other one finally broke after i dropped it too many times, but it REALLY helped with getting enough water, since it was about 30 ounces and i only had to drink 3 of them in a day. in the meantime, just drink some damn water out of a cup... 10 million cups, but still.
3. finish off that chocolate cake.... and not get another one. ; ) easy enough.
4. think about meals for the week and prep. although, ideally, i'd like to have it all written out and planned, maybe on a calendar. i'm visual, so having it sort of set out for meals on certain days would ease my mind. what would be really awsome though, is coming home from work and knowing already exactly what i would cook and knowing that i already had everything i needed to cook it. the hassle of finally getting home, taking off my work clothes and high heels, getting gwen into something to occupy here, and then having to use my head to figure out what to make for dinner- and then taking the time to pull it all together- that's when we end up having cereal for dinner. ; ) so having a plan is a good start! also grocery shopping in advance so we have things for certain recipes, and then prepping some stuff ahead of time.
okay, that's it for now. like i recently told someone, i'm not totally off the wagon, i'm just being dragged behind it right now, holding on for dear life. ; )
i just don't want to get all new nice fitting clothes, get rid of my bigger ones, then gain some weight back and have nothing to wear again. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.... i like my body too much now. i don't EVER EVER EVER want to be that size again. when i get knocked up, i'll buy some maternity clothes, but i'm not going to let myself get to the point i was before....i just can't. my body, my life, and my happiness is worth it.
: ) cheers friends!
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