oh, the weather outside is frightful....

so let's go running??


really?

ok, so i've been pretty bad about keeping this blog up to date. i've thought about it a lot. i have a mental blog. lol. wasn't that my problem to start with????

anyhow, the good news is, i HAVE been able to keep up running. in fact, i really, truly enjoy it. i won't deny that it is challenging at times, but i truly am feeling great!

i've been keeping to the schedule for the most part. i got off track one week and it was a real bitch to catch up, so at least for that reason, i've been staying on track. also, i realize this schedule is slowly building me up to be able to complete the 13.1 miles.

the very first time i ran, which was pretty much the first time in my life (at least voluntarily), i was completely out of breath, my body was burning, my mind was fighting fighting fighting. i thought "what in the hell did i just commit to? there's no way i can run ONE whole mile let alone 13.1!" i felt defeated. like i was just simply unable to do something.

well, it's amazing what the body and the mind are capable of. seriously amazing.

even the very next run was easier. the next one after that was easier. and what do you know, the next one was also. i'm not gonna lie, i still question myself sometimes, but for the most part, i keep going because i KNOW THAT I CAN. yeah... i'm shocked too.

i CAN run a whole mile non-stop. I can probably even go more than a mile non-stop. when i do stop, it's for maybe 15-20 seconds and then i ask myself "why are you walking? you're not out of breath, you're not injured, why not run?" so i do. i just keep going.

i was running on the road, which was kind of fun to come up with new routes, but honestly, my knees were starting to hurt. so i've taken to running only on the decomposed granite at the parks. a lot of people go to the park to run. it's such a club, haha. who'd have thought? i guess you had to be in it to know. i see other people going going going and if they are going way faster than me i think "wow, once i can go for a long distance, maybe then i will eventually go faster." or if i see someone walking, i think "good for them! they are out here, it's freaking raining, and they are out here, just like me, WE ARE WARRIORS!" okay, i know, a little dramatic, but i like it. it feels GREAT to be so able, and so proud, dedicated, passionate. that mental part of it is probably 50% of the benefit i get from running. the other 50% is how i feel physically. while i'm running sometimes i remind myself how glad i am that i quite smoking cigarettes. (i started to go on an anti-smoking rant, but changed my mind... twice)

i had to press enter a few times to get out of that train of thought....

so physically- i don't feel like i've lost any weight, which is fine, i can only imagine that eventually i will. i do feel more muscle in my legs, but i guess the physical part of it is just seeing what i can do. seeing how i can (carefully) push myself to test what my body is capable of. i'm surprised every single run. last night i ran with alex and francisco. i was a little embarrassed to run with other people because i felt self conscious of them hearing my breathing, or that i wouldn't be able to keep up, etc. (all of those reasons your mind gives you to not do something) not to mention it was POURING. not just raining, but seriously pouring to the best of its ability. alex and francicso had committed to running every tuesday and thursday, rain or shine. they would at least do one mile and if it was unbearable, they'd call it quits. somehow my schedule worked out so that i could run with them, and on the way there i called alex and asked if they were really going to run in that. she explained the commitment and i said, "well... okay then," and met them there. what do you know? it stopped raining. it must have been meant to be. there were puddles everywhere. sometimes we dodged them, and the sticks, but i felt like we were in boot camp, we just went right through the puddles. it's nice having a team. i suppose that's another accomplishment. i got over the fear of others judging me, and also i was able to chime in here and there while we were running. i'm referring to the tip that one should run at a pace that would allow light conversation. i'd think about that in my head here and there running by myself and think how far fetched that was, but last night i was able to. yay! having someone meet you at the park to run in the blistering cold rainstorm is way more likely to happen than me, all by myself, in the dark going through puddles. at the very least, we could laugh at each other while hurdling over the sticks and branches. go team.

so i feel good, inside and out. i KNOW i can do this. i may end up walking some of the way. hey, i may end up running the whole way, we'll see when i get there, but i am going to finish. there is no doubt in my mind about that.

thanks for reading. : )