you are all wrong, and i'm right.

it's very rare that i become truly angry...

very very rare.

i think what i'm most mad about now, even though i do feel there are many things to be angry about, is that there are opinions of me that aren't true... and there's nothing i can do about it. i don't know which is worse.

this is what i've been learning about. that my truth is the only one that matters to me. what i think about myself is what is real. i don't have to defend myself or prove my point. my point just is... without me having to say it.

other people's truths are true only for them.

it just sucks to feel so helpless; and that what i say or do doesn't make a difference.

i want to throw something.

to whom it may concern:
i would like to take that strawberry shortcake that i made specifically for you, as a peace offering, and throw it across the parking lot. i believe i would get a lot of enjoyment out of seeing the whipped cream splatter over the asphalt.
end transmission.

it makes me mad that i can't do that. what a waste of strawberry shortcake that would be. but i bet if i just ate it, i'd end up feeling guilty about that too; like it's just a piece of comfort from food. real healthy.

speaking of "real healthy," in case you didn't notice, that was sarcasm. it's a form of lying, but when i do it i think i'm being funny. it's still lying. i'm going to stop doing that, because i don't want to lie, even if it's with innocent intentions, it's still misleading. i want to be more simple than that. if i feel a certain way, i think i will just say it, rather than cleverly lie.

i think the most discouraging thing is that sometimes i really enjoy my job. so when things happen that make me sad, i feel really let down. i feel my trust is broken and now i want to crawl in a hole.

well... i'm not quite AS angry. i still feel pretty crappy though.
i suppose that's better than where i started.