well, here goes...

i've decided that i'm going to run a half marathon. the thing that's funny about that, is that i HATE running. as a child, i begged to play fullback position in soccer, so that i would have to run the very least amount possible.

so, why? you ask. well.. according to marathonrookie.com that is exactly what i need to figure out. apparently the mental motivation is what get's one through.

i don't consider myself to be "fat" per se, but there is no doubt that i am wildly out of shape. i keep thinking about how i want to do yoga everyday and go to the gym sometimes, or just have some sort of routine that includes me taking care of my body. i think that i am pretty lucky to have the body that i do, but i know that if i just put in some effort i would be smoking hot. that's something i've known for a while. yet still, there is a disconnect with my intentions and what actually happens at 5:00 in the morning when my alarm goes off. (5:00am being the time i would need to get up to meditate, practice asana, or jog, etc. even 5:30am might be early enough, but still... no.)

i want to run a half marathon to prove to myself that i CAN committ and complete a goal i set out to do. not just any goal, but a goal that would hopefully get me into the habit of exercising.

i don't just want to loose weight. (that definitely is a plus) i do want to gain muscle and be tone, but more so i want to get into a routine that i enjoy, look forward to, and do without fail. i don't want my cozy bed to stop me from looking the way my body was meant to look.

i don't want to be a statistic. i don't want my daughter to be a statistic. according to my BMI, i am OBESE. OBESE!!!!! not just fat, obese.

throughout my childhood, i remember my mom always trying different weight loss and excersize routines. off and on, here and there. never consistantly. i want to be consistant. i want my mind to already know that i'm getting up (no matter how cold it is outside of my covers). even if it is just to meditate. that is important too.

what's wrong here is the broken bridge between wanting to do something and actually doing it. can i really be that weak? i can't even follow through on somethign i actually WANT to do? what's with that??

so, even as a suprise to myself, i've committed to running this half marathon. i am excited that i will be going through the training and the actual half marathon with some girls i work with. i am accountable to them, and now also anyone who happens to read this blog. i will continue to blog throughout as well. that's another thing i've been wanting to do for a while.

i know... i seriously know, that this isn't going to be easy. getting out of bed just to get up to go to work isn't easy. but there's purpose. my first goal is getting up tomorrow morning and attempting to run/walk for 30 minutes. yikes! i plan to do yoga on my resting days and meditate every day.

thanks for reading, and please don't doubt me... i do enough of that on my own.