so here i am again, with a feeling like i've got something to say.
i was just re-reading some of my past entries, the very last one in particular, where i was motivated to do something different. i still feel like there's something i should be doing, but still, i've yet to know what that something is. i don't necessarily need drastic change, but do feel like i'm wasting away without doing anything particularly meaningful.
i was thinkng last night that maybe i'd take some photographs i've done and try to paint them bigger.
i was also thinking last night about practicing my cello. i didn't though. i was feeling a little down, and decided to go to sleep to stop thinking so much.
most of my thoughts were pleasant, actually they all were, but remembering such wonderful memories and then knowing it will be so long for more of them to be made, was pretty upsetting. so i bowed out gracefully, and went to sleep.
someone special to me is now very far away. i have no doubt that everything will be fine, i'm just having some weird emotions trying to figure out how to live my life like "normal" when it's not normal.
it only takes one line of a song to remind me of the heaviness.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
When I grow up, I want to be....
I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. To be honest (I'm a little bit embarrassed to admit this, but) I haven't ever really known, and haven't ever really made an effort to find out. I am fairly certain that I have a good idea of WHO I am, but more and more WHAT I am doing is effecting me, and not in a good way.
I have always felt like there was a happy place for me, but I have also always felt like it was somewhere over the rainbow. Not current, not near, no where to be seen at all, but a far off dream. I'm starting to notice more and more that I want that life. I want that happy place to be mine, every day.
I feel like there has been movement lately, and the recent shifts may actually be stepping stones leading to a greater awakening, and ultimately- happiness. As I write that, I remember a sign that a protester held on the corner that quoted Gandhi: "There is no path to peace, peace is the path." That really speaks to me. I am starting to realize how true it is that this moment is really the only one that I've got. That makes me want to do whatever it takes. The only problem I see with that, is that while I'm on the peaceful path I need to have some sort of income. I want to DO something that I enjoy. DO something to make a living that I don't dread. I want to spend my time being creative, efficient, and worthwhile; not counting down till I leave work and go home and not only living my life on the weekends. That's sad, and it really is a waste.
I just realized in the last day or so, that right now, I have a great opportunity. Due to recent circumstances, I will soon have a very low overhead cost. That will not be a permanent thing, because eventually I want my own space and to take back the responsibilities of "paying the bills." However, I feel light weight, and free, as if in this moment, I have possibilities. I have options. I can change what I'm doing, and although I never even realized it that I felt stuck, now I feel unstuck.
I feel that often times people load themselves (I surely have) with bills, debt, and financial responsibility to the point that they don't have any other option but to work work work and hey, more work. As soon as I had my baby, and went back to work, I realized that the ratio of "real life" to the time I spent working was imbalanced and depressing. Thinking about doing that for the rest of my life and missing so much time with my child was devastating. How do people do it? Well, I don't know how they do it, but I know why. Because we get ourselves stuck.
So now, somehow.... the clouds have parted and the twinkling stars are shining down on me. I can afford to change my profession (I don't even want to call it MY PROFESSION). I can take the risk of doing something different. So... now the question is what? What do I want to be?
I think that I'll have to think about it. I don't think I ever thought I would have the chance, so I never thought about it.
I do have fear that I will go through this effort and still not like what I'm doing, and I have fear that like most things I do that I will be gung-ho in the beginning, but then lose my enthusiasm, but I fear more that I'll stay put, and I honestly do believe that would be worse.
From my Shambhala daily card: When doubt arises, contemplate warriorship.
Doubt takes many forms. One is fear that you'll hurt yourself by going forward. Another form of doubt is feeling that you've misunderstood your life and that you're constantly making a fundamental mistake. Being without doubt has nothing to do with accepting the validity of a philosophy or concept. Absence of doubt comes from trusting in the heart, trusting yourself. Being without doubt means that you connect with yourself, that you experience mind and body being synchronized together. When mind and body are synchronized, then you have no doubt.
Sounds like a peaceful path to me.
Here goes.... what a lovely yellow brick road, let's see where it leads.
And here's a shout out to my true friends who have helped me see that there is passion and possibilities, and that it is attainable. : )
I have always felt like there was a happy place for me, but I have also always felt like it was somewhere over the rainbow. Not current, not near, no where to be seen at all, but a far off dream. I'm starting to notice more and more that I want that life. I want that happy place to be mine, every day.
I feel like there has been movement lately, and the recent shifts may actually be stepping stones leading to a greater awakening, and ultimately- happiness. As I write that, I remember a sign that a protester held on the corner that quoted Gandhi: "There is no path to peace, peace is the path." That really speaks to me. I am starting to realize how true it is that this moment is really the only one that I've got. That makes me want to do whatever it takes. The only problem I see with that, is that while I'm on the peaceful path I need to have some sort of income. I want to DO something that I enjoy. DO something to make a living that I don't dread. I want to spend my time being creative, efficient, and worthwhile; not counting down till I leave work and go home and not only living my life on the weekends. That's sad, and it really is a waste.
I just realized in the last day or so, that right now, I have a great opportunity. Due to recent circumstances, I will soon have a very low overhead cost. That will not be a permanent thing, because eventually I want my own space and to take back the responsibilities of "paying the bills." However, I feel light weight, and free, as if in this moment, I have possibilities. I have options. I can change what I'm doing, and although I never even realized it that I felt stuck, now I feel unstuck.
I feel that often times people load themselves (I surely have) with bills, debt, and financial responsibility to the point that they don't have any other option but to work work work and hey, more work. As soon as I had my baby, and went back to work, I realized that the ratio of "real life" to the time I spent working was imbalanced and depressing. Thinking about doing that for the rest of my life and missing so much time with my child was devastating. How do people do it? Well, I don't know how they do it, but I know why. Because we get ourselves stuck.
So now, somehow.... the clouds have parted and the twinkling stars are shining down on me. I can afford to change my profession (I don't even want to call it MY PROFESSION). I can take the risk of doing something different. So... now the question is what? What do I want to be?
I think that I'll have to think about it. I don't think I ever thought I would have the chance, so I never thought about it.
I do have fear that I will go through this effort and still not like what I'm doing, and I have fear that like most things I do that I will be gung-ho in the beginning, but then lose my enthusiasm, but I fear more that I'll stay put, and I honestly do believe that would be worse.
From my Shambhala daily card: When doubt arises, contemplate warriorship.
Doubt takes many forms. One is fear that you'll hurt yourself by going forward. Another form of doubt is feeling that you've misunderstood your life and that you're constantly making a fundamental mistake. Being without doubt has nothing to do with accepting the validity of a philosophy or concept. Absence of doubt comes from trusting in the heart, trusting yourself. Being without doubt means that you connect with yourself, that you experience mind and body being synchronized together. When mind and body are synchronized, then you have no doubt.
Sounds like a peaceful path to me.
Here goes.... what a lovely yellow brick road, let's see where it leads.
And here's a shout out to my true friends who have helped me see that there is passion and possibilities, and that it is attainable. : )
Thursday, April 8, 2010
you are all wrong, and i'm right.
it's very rare that i become truly angry...
very very rare.
i think what i'm most mad about now, even though i do feel there are many things to be angry about, is that there are opinions of me that aren't true... and there's nothing i can do about it. i don't know which is worse.
this is what i've been learning about. that my truth is the only one that matters to me. what i think about myself is what is real. i don't have to defend myself or prove my point. my point just is... without me having to say it.
other people's truths are true only for them.
it just sucks to feel so helpless; and that what i say or do doesn't make a difference.
i want to throw something.
to whom it may concern:
i would like to take that strawberry shortcake that i made specifically for you, as a peace offering, and throw it across the parking lot. i believe i would get a lot of enjoyment out of seeing the whipped cream splatter over the asphalt.
end transmission.
it makes me mad that i can't do that. what a waste of strawberry shortcake that would be. but i bet if i just ate it, i'd end up feeling guilty about that too; like it's just a piece of comfort from food. real healthy.
speaking of "real healthy," in case you didn't notice, that was sarcasm. it's a form of lying, but when i do it i think i'm being funny. it's still lying. i'm going to stop doing that, because i don't want to lie, even if it's with innocent intentions, it's still misleading. i want to be more simple than that. if i feel a certain way, i think i will just say it, rather than cleverly lie.
i think the most discouraging thing is that sometimes i really enjoy my job. so when things happen that make me sad, i feel really let down. i feel my trust is broken and now i want to crawl in a hole.
well... i'm not quite AS angry. i still feel pretty crappy though.
i suppose that's better than where i started.
very very rare.
i think what i'm most mad about now, even though i do feel there are many things to be angry about, is that there are opinions of me that aren't true... and there's nothing i can do about it. i don't know which is worse.
this is what i've been learning about. that my truth is the only one that matters to me. what i think about myself is what is real. i don't have to defend myself or prove my point. my point just is... without me having to say it.
other people's truths are true only for them.
it just sucks to feel so helpless; and that what i say or do doesn't make a difference.
i want to throw something.
to whom it may concern:
i would like to take that strawberry shortcake that i made specifically for you, as a peace offering, and throw it across the parking lot. i believe i would get a lot of enjoyment out of seeing the whipped cream splatter over the asphalt.
end transmission.
it makes me mad that i can't do that. what a waste of strawberry shortcake that would be. but i bet if i just ate it, i'd end up feeling guilty about that too; like it's just a piece of comfort from food. real healthy.
speaking of "real healthy," in case you didn't notice, that was sarcasm. it's a form of lying, but when i do it i think i'm being funny. it's still lying. i'm going to stop doing that, because i don't want to lie, even if it's with innocent intentions, it's still misleading. i want to be more simple than that. if i feel a certain way, i think i will just say it, rather than cleverly lie.
i think the most discouraging thing is that sometimes i really enjoy my job. so when things happen that make me sad, i feel really let down. i feel my trust is broken and now i want to crawl in a hole.
well... i'm not quite AS angry. i still feel pretty crappy though.
i suppose that's better than where i started.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
i think i can, i think i can, i think i can
i LIKE to blog, but for some reason i just don't do it very much. i suppose it's really a matter of simply not being on the computer very much. i do have things to say... anyone who knows me, knows that fact, but it's hard to find the time most of the time.
i did my 10 mile long run this past weekend. it was hard. a few months ago, i remember saying "oh my god, i did 5 miles! the first three miles were alright but the last two i dragged my ass around unwillingly." well, now i say "oh my god, i did 10 miles! the first eight were alright, but the last two i dragged my ass around unwillingly." now THAT is progress. eventually i'll say "oh my god, i did 26.2 miles! the first 24 were alright, and the last two i dragged my ass around unwillingly." i didn't really have enough time to comfortably get to 13.1. even the training schedule i'm doing assumes that i'd been running 8-10 miles a week for at least 3 months; not being a first time noob not even able to run one mile. so although i'm not where i should be for doing a half marathon, i'm hecka better than when i first started. my goal for this half marathon is to finish and to not feel crappy. now that, i know i can accomplish.
eventually i'll run faster. eventually i'll run for longer. eventually i'll run an entire 13.1, and hey, maybe even 26.2 someday. that's encouraging.
blood check!
sweat check!
tears check!
13.1 soon!
i did my 10 mile long run this past weekend. it was hard. a few months ago, i remember saying "oh my god, i did 5 miles! the first three miles were alright but the last two i dragged my ass around unwillingly." well, now i say "oh my god, i did 10 miles! the first eight were alright, but the last two i dragged my ass around unwillingly." now THAT is progress. eventually i'll say "oh my god, i did 26.2 miles! the first 24 were alright, and the last two i dragged my ass around unwillingly." i didn't really have enough time to comfortably get to 13.1. even the training schedule i'm doing assumes that i'd been running 8-10 miles a week for at least 3 months; not being a first time noob not even able to run one mile. so although i'm not where i should be for doing a half marathon, i'm hecka better than when i first started. my goal for this half marathon is to finish and to not feel crappy. now that, i know i can accomplish.
eventually i'll run faster. eventually i'll run for longer. eventually i'll run an entire 13.1, and hey, maybe even 26.2 someday. that's encouraging.
blood check!
sweat check!
tears check!
13.1 soon!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
oh, the weather outside is frightful....
so let's go running??
really?
ok, so i've been pretty bad about keeping this blog up to date. i've thought about it a lot. i have a mental blog. lol. wasn't that my problem to start with????
anyhow, the good news is, i HAVE been able to keep up running. in fact, i really, truly enjoy it. i won't deny that it is challenging at times, but i truly am feeling great!
i've been keeping to the schedule for the most part. i got off track one week and it was a real bitch to catch up, so at least for that reason, i've been staying on track. also, i realize this schedule is slowly building me up to be able to complete the 13.1 miles.
the very first time i ran, which was pretty much the first time in my life (at least voluntarily), i was completely out of breath, my body was burning, my mind was fighting fighting fighting. i thought "what in the hell did i just commit to? there's no way i can run ONE whole mile let alone 13.1!" i felt defeated. like i was just simply unable to do something.
well, it's amazing what the body and the mind are capable of. seriously amazing.
even the very next run was easier. the next one after that was easier. and what do you know, the next one was also. i'm not gonna lie, i still question myself sometimes, but for the most part, i keep going because i KNOW THAT I CAN. yeah... i'm shocked too.
i CAN run a whole mile non-stop. I can probably even go more than a mile non-stop. when i do stop, it's for maybe 15-20 seconds and then i ask myself "why are you walking? you're not out of breath, you're not injured, why not run?" so i do. i just keep going.
i was running on the road, which was kind of fun to come up with new routes, but honestly, my knees were starting to hurt. so i've taken to running only on the decomposed granite at the parks. a lot of people go to the park to run. it's such a club, haha. who'd have thought? i guess you had to be in it to know. i see other people going going going and if they are going way faster than me i think "wow, once i can go for a long distance, maybe then i will eventually go faster." or if i see someone walking, i think "good for them! they are out here, it's freaking raining, and they are out here, just like me, WE ARE WARRIORS!" okay, i know, a little dramatic, but i like it. it feels GREAT to be so able, and so proud, dedicated, passionate. that mental part of it is probably 50% of the benefit i get from running. the other 50% is how i feel physically. while i'm running sometimes i remind myself how glad i am that i quite smoking cigarettes. (i started to go on an anti-smoking rant, but changed my mind... twice)
i had to press enter a few times to get out of that train of thought....
so physically- i don't feel like i've lost any weight, which is fine, i can only imagine that eventually i will. i do feel more muscle in my legs, but i guess the physical part of it is just seeing what i can do. seeing how i can (carefully) push myself to test what my body is capable of. i'm surprised every single run. last night i ran with alex and francisco. i was a little embarrassed to run with other people because i felt self conscious of them hearing my breathing, or that i wouldn't be able to keep up, etc. (all of those reasons your mind gives you to not do something) not to mention it was POURING. not just raining, but seriously pouring to the best of its ability. alex and francicso had committed to running every tuesday and thursday, rain or shine. they would at least do one mile and if it was unbearable, they'd call it quits. somehow my schedule worked out so that i could run with them, and on the way there i called alex and asked if they were really going to run in that. she explained the commitment and i said, "well... okay then," and met them there. what do you know? it stopped raining. it must have been meant to be. there were puddles everywhere. sometimes we dodged them, and the sticks, but i felt like we were in boot camp, we just went right through the puddles. it's nice having a team. i suppose that's another accomplishment. i got over the fear of others judging me, and also i was able to chime in here and there while we were running. i'm referring to the tip that one should run at a pace that would allow light conversation. i'd think about that in my head here and there running by myself and think how far fetched that was, but last night i was able to. yay! having someone meet you at the park to run in the blistering cold rainstorm is way more likely to happen than me, all by myself, in the dark going through puddles. at the very least, we could laugh at each other while hurdling over the sticks and branches. go team.
so i feel good, inside and out. i KNOW i can do this. i may end up walking some of the way. hey, i may end up running the whole way, we'll see when i get there, but i am going to finish. there is no doubt in my mind about that.
thanks for reading. : )
really?
ok, so i've been pretty bad about keeping this blog up to date. i've thought about it a lot. i have a mental blog. lol. wasn't that my problem to start with????
anyhow, the good news is, i HAVE been able to keep up running. in fact, i really, truly enjoy it. i won't deny that it is challenging at times, but i truly am feeling great!
i've been keeping to the schedule for the most part. i got off track one week and it was a real bitch to catch up, so at least for that reason, i've been staying on track. also, i realize this schedule is slowly building me up to be able to complete the 13.1 miles.
the very first time i ran, which was pretty much the first time in my life (at least voluntarily), i was completely out of breath, my body was burning, my mind was fighting fighting fighting. i thought "what in the hell did i just commit to? there's no way i can run ONE whole mile let alone 13.1!" i felt defeated. like i was just simply unable to do something.
well, it's amazing what the body and the mind are capable of. seriously amazing.
even the very next run was easier. the next one after that was easier. and what do you know, the next one was also. i'm not gonna lie, i still question myself sometimes, but for the most part, i keep going because i KNOW THAT I CAN. yeah... i'm shocked too.
i CAN run a whole mile non-stop. I can probably even go more than a mile non-stop. when i do stop, it's for maybe 15-20 seconds and then i ask myself "why are you walking? you're not out of breath, you're not injured, why not run?" so i do. i just keep going.
i was running on the road, which was kind of fun to come up with new routes, but honestly, my knees were starting to hurt. so i've taken to running only on the decomposed granite at the parks. a lot of people go to the park to run. it's such a club, haha. who'd have thought? i guess you had to be in it to know. i see other people going going going and if they are going way faster than me i think "wow, once i can go for a long distance, maybe then i will eventually go faster." or if i see someone walking, i think "good for them! they are out here, it's freaking raining, and they are out here, just like me, WE ARE WARRIORS!" okay, i know, a little dramatic, but i like it. it feels GREAT to be so able, and so proud, dedicated, passionate. that mental part of it is probably 50% of the benefit i get from running. the other 50% is how i feel physically. while i'm running sometimes i remind myself how glad i am that i quite smoking cigarettes. (i started to go on an anti-smoking rant, but changed my mind... twice)
i had to press enter a few times to get out of that train of thought....
so physically- i don't feel like i've lost any weight, which is fine, i can only imagine that eventually i will. i do feel more muscle in my legs, but i guess the physical part of it is just seeing what i can do. seeing how i can (carefully) push myself to test what my body is capable of. i'm surprised every single run. last night i ran with alex and francisco. i was a little embarrassed to run with other people because i felt self conscious of them hearing my breathing, or that i wouldn't be able to keep up, etc. (all of those reasons your mind gives you to not do something) not to mention it was POURING. not just raining, but seriously pouring to the best of its ability. alex and francicso had committed to running every tuesday and thursday, rain or shine. they would at least do one mile and if it was unbearable, they'd call it quits. somehow my schedule worked out so that i could run with them, and on the way there i called alex and asked if they were really going to run in that. she explained the commitment and i said, "well... okay then," and met them there. what do you know? it stopped raining. it must have been meant to be. there were puddles everywhere. sometimes we dodged them, and the sticks, but i felt like we were in boot camp, we just went right through the puddles. it's nice having a team. i suppose that's another accomplishment. i got over the fear of others judging me, and also i was able to chime in here and there while we were running. i'm referring to the tip that one should run at a pace that would allow light conversation. i'd think about that in my head here and there running by myself and think how far fetched that was, but last night i was able to. yay! having someone meet you at the park to run in the blistering cold rainstorm is way more likely to happen than me, all by myself, in the dark going through puddles. at the very least, we could laugh at each other while hurdling over the sticks and branches. go team.
so i feel good, inside and out. i KNOW i can do this. i may end up walking some of the way. hey, i may end up running the whole way, we'll see when i get there, but i am going to finish. there is no doubt in my mind about that.
thanks for reading. : )
Monday, January 4, 2010
the get up
here's my get up!
including the super cool water bottle belt and free shirt! my long sleeve green shirt is way better, but whatev.
i suppose this could also be considered a "before" picture as well. : )
including the super cool water bottle belt and free shirt! my long sleeve green shirt is way better, but whatev.
i suppose this could also be considered a "before" picture as well. : )
run or bust
i read another article on runnersworld and i actually really like the author, so i'll probably search out more by him, but it was about the idea of putting a message on the back of your shirt during a big run. whether it be to dedicate the run, make a funny, or just encourage anyone (if there is anyone) behind me. "i hope there's someone behind me to read this." also, "three months ago i thought this was a good idea." haha. i LOVE the idea.
feel free to add suggestions. i've only thought of a few ideas so far:
"it's now or never" (this is how i get out of bed in the morning... do it now, or it won't happen)
"i'd rather be sleeping" (get it? like i'd rather be fishing.)
"SEE! I can commit"
"VIRGIN" (haha)
"i <3 running.
i think when i hear it, i'll know it.
*new one* "There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be." i love that song and if i was running behind someone and saw that it would make me happy. : )
i just want to mention that i made it to 3.2 miles on sunday. i am actually kind of on the schedule. the only problem is that i don't run the whole way yet, and i also just realized i'm including my warm up cool down time as mileage, so (gggrrrrr) i've got some work do to. i don't feel discouraged though, so that's good.
thanks for all of the encouragement! everyone i've told has (besides having that look like i'm a total loon in their eyes) been very supportive!
hugs, kisses, and dust
krista
feel free to add suggestions. i've only thought of a few ideas so far:
"it's now or never" (this is how i get out of bed in the morning... do it now, or it won't happen)
"i'd rather be sleeping" (get it? like i'd rather be fishing.)
"SEE! I can commit"
"VIRGIN" (haha)
"i <3 running.
i think when i hear it, i'll know it.
*new one* "There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be." i love that song and if i was running behind someone and saw that it would make me happy. : )
i just want to mention that i made it to 3.2 miles on sunday. i am actually kind of on the schedule. the only problem is that i don't run the whole way yet, and i also just realized i'm including my warm up cool down time as mileage, so (gggrrrrr) i've got some work do to. i don't feel discouraged though, so that's good.
thanks for all of the encouragement! everyone i've told has (besides having that look like i'm a total loon in their eyes) been very supportive!
hugs, kisses, and dust
krista
Friday, January 1, 2010
wonderful article
this makes me happy to read. a wonderful article that explains perfectly why i signed up to run this thing in the first place.
PUBLISHED 12/21/2009
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT
Small things we do add up to make us who we are as runners
By John BinghamImage by Kim Rosen
PUBLISHED 12/21/2009
Editor's Note: After nearly 14 years at Runner's World, John Bingham—perhaps better known as "the Penguin"—has decided to move on. We're grateful for all he's done for RW, and we salute him for inspiring countless runners. John personifies the idea that people can change their lives through running. We wish him the very best in his new endeavors. Below is the final "No Need For Speed" column John wrote for Runner's World.
I am not a physicist. I am a writer, runner, and recovering bass trombonist. But that doesn't stop me from thinking that I understand physics. I've read about a concept called "The Butterfly Effect." The definition goes something like this: Small variations of the initial condition of a dynamic system may produce large variations in the long-term behavior of the system. It suggests that a butterfly flapping its wings in Hong Kong can eventually affect the weather in Kansas. Cool, huh?
It got me thinking about how small variations or changes in our lives can have unexpected long-term effects. I used to be an overweight smoker who didn't exercise, but small decisions over the years—like going for that very first run—have produced large variations in my long-term behavior, helping me become the 45-time marathoner I am today.
That transformation didn't happen overnight. It didn't happen after one run, though many of us expect just that. We think that every run needs to produce some immediate benefit. Whether it's supposed to make us faster or build our endurance, the effects of today's run are supposed to take effect, well, today.
I think that's why many of us like to sprint the last quarter mile of our daily run. We like the feeling that comes from a hard effort. It feels like we're accomplishing something. (By the way, that final sprint at the end of a run is a good way to pull a hamstring. Trust me on this.)
What I didn't know then was that there is a Butterfly Effect in running. It isn't the grand gestures and epic achievements that make us runners. Sure, running for 30 minutes nonstop is great. Qualifying for Boston is great. But that's not ultimately what makes you a runner.
It's the little things we do every day adding up over time that matter. It's not just running one morning; it's getting up morning after morning and running. It's not just eating better at one meal; it's making better decisions at every meal. It's the small decisions we make almost without thinking that make us runners.
The lesson from today's run may not be important right away. Learning you're more comfortable wearing a long-sleeve shirt even when it's not that cold out may lead to the best race of your life years later. Learning that you shouldn't have eaten the Firebrand Salsa on your nachos the night before a long run may mean a marathon PR somewhere down the road.
It may be a function of aging, or it may be a function of maturing as a runner, but knowing I don't have to squeeze significance out of today's run has made running much more satisfying. Today's run might just be a run. I take it in as a point of data on an elaborate matrix. I don't try to assign a meaning to it. I have faith that somewhere, sometime, it will matter.
I run now with enormous confidence that I am doing something good for myself. I run understanding that I may never know where the winds of some running epiphany started. And I run understanding that not understanding is all right.
This will be my final new column for Runner's World. I'm not retiring, just moving on. I'd like to thank Amby Burfoot for giving me the first opportunity to write and David Willey for continuing that vision. I'd like to thank a series of wonderful editors for giving life to my words. Finally, I'd like to thank each of you for the privilege of entering your lives each month. You have given me a gift that I can never repay.
Waddle on, friends. Forever.
day four, knocked 10 minutes off!
running day.
i woke up at 10 am. no work today because it's new years day. my only plan for the day was to hang out with alex, but that involved some mimosas, so as i was contemplating actually getting out of bed i realized that if i didn't run, right then and there, it wouldn't happen.
so i did.
i got up, got dressed, turned on the tunes and went!
the difference today is that i tried the best i could to follow katie's advice for breathing, which was to get into a pattern with breaths and steps which included two inhales and two exhales. what a difference that made!! aside from warm up and cool down, i actually ran more than walked! wow. that is such a huge success for me. i also didn't feel like i was going to throw up when i was done.
i did the same route as the first day (to the partk, around, and back= 2.4 miles/45 min) and actually cut off TEN MINUTES! i want to say that i feel more confident about doing this, but i'll wait until i do some longer runs.
my legs are ridiculously sore, but at least i know i did something, right?
if i had actually started the real schedule, i would have 2 long runs this weekend, but i'm just trying to make it up to three miles first. once i do that, then i'll start adding on per the schedule. it needs to happen really soon though, i've only got 10 weeks. so instead, i'll rest again tomorrow, especially since i'm still so sore, and then do a little longer on sunday.
that is all for now.
p.s. alex and katie are friends of mine and we work together, they are also the girls i'll be doing the half marathon with. katie is my inspiration, she completed the san francisco half marathon last year with no prior running experience.
i woke up at 10 am. no work today because it's new years day. my only plan for the day was to hang out with alex, but that involved some mimosas, so as i was contemplating actually getting out of bed i realized that if i didn't run, right then and there, it wouldn't happen.
so i did.
i got up, got dressed, turned on the tunes and went!
the difference today is that i tried the best i could to follow katie's advice for breathing, which was to get into a pattern with breaths and steps which included two inhales and two exhales. what a difference that made!! aside from warm up and cool down, i actually ran more than walked! wow. that is such a huge success for me. i also didn't feel like i was going to throw up when i was done.
i did the same route as the first day (to the partk, around, and back= 2.4 miles/45 min) and actually cut off TEN MINUTES! i want to say that i feel more confident about doing this, but i'll wait until i do some longer runs.
my legs are ridiculously sore, but at least i know i did something, right?
if i had actually started the real schedule, i would have 2 long runs this weekend, but i'm just trying to make it up to three miles first. once i do that, then i'll start adding on per the schedule. it needs to happen really soon though, i've only got 10 weeks. so instead, i'll rest again tomorrow, especially since i'm still so sore, and then do a little longer on sunday.
that is all for now.
p.s. alex and katie are friends of mine and we work together, they are also the girls i'll be doing the half marathon with. katie is my inspiration, she completed the san francisco half marathon last year with no prior running experience.
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