don't you KNOW you're pissing me off?!?!?

something to remember when one is feeling that the world is against them, creating roadblocks at every possible turn, is that everyone is in their own world, and that most of the time, even though it feels that everything should be understood and logical, everyone has their own ideas of the situation.

sometimes part of why i get so frustrated with things, is that i have expectations of the "background info" or "set up" of a situation to be understood and accepted universally. turns out that since everyone is in their own world, when something turns sour, it really encompasses more than that specific moment in time. what happened last week sets me up for how i will feel or react to something that happens this week.

for example, i've asked a few companies to give me price quotes on their office supplies, so that we can switch companies. the problem is, now that they know this, they all keep calling me. i feel like i've already said to give me space and time and let me figure it out, but they aren't. they have no idea that i'm covering someone elses job and don't really have time to deal with overhead crap, or that they are bugging the shit out of me that they call every week to "check in," and they especially aren't thinking about how they are not the only company doing it. the pressure is mounting, and i want to just tell them what i think. Somehow today, I stepped back for just a second and realized that they really don't know my world at all, that it's probably more reasonable for me to take each call individually and explain, calmly, that i just need more time.

anyhow, without turning this in to a rant, the point i was making, is that although to me the situation is bothersome, to them the situation is completely and totally different and it isn't even necessarily practical for me to expect them to see it from my point of view. imagine that.

there's been a few situations lately where i've belived it to be completely reasonable that i'm feeling angry and frustrated, but really, those emotions are only valid from MY point of view, so to expect that someone would understand why i was so pissed is a little silly. (shhhh, don't tell.)

there really is no solution here at the moment, really just observation. observation of my own tendencies to feel like i have a right to be upset, and observation of what it is that other people do that upsets me, and how my expectations and assumptions add to the mess.

i can accept this fault, but i don't like it.

there IS a fight club.